A Love Apologized For
by RuruPuppy2854
Summary: This is a drabble about Dawn and her love for Paul. Part of the 'Love Series'.


Another drabble about Dawn. A gift for my readers like the other parts of the Love Series.

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I had walked down the dirt path of Twinleaf Town, admiring the stars of the midnight sky that twinkled brightly and happily as if nothing in the world could ever harm it. I wanted to be like those stars someday, unfazed by anything and could shine brightly in my own spotlight without caring for anything in the world. I wanted to be free of my feelings for him. I never thought that I'd actually fall for him because of his personality, but I still began to love him.

I looked down at my feet, wondering why I would feel such a way towards him. I never felt it for Ash, Barry, or even Kenny. I didn't understand. Why must love be such a complicated puzzle? However, I don't think my love for him is too complicated. I believe that my love was unneeded, uncared for. I wanted to be loved, not by my parents, but him, Paul. I wanted to be able to his smile, one that's only for me and nobody else. I wanted to be able to listen to his heartbeat and enjoy the sound. I wanted to have his everything, but would he want to have my everything?

I often began to wonder if it was really love or was it only admiration like those girls who like him back. I didn't want to believe in any of this romance stuff. All I wanted to care about was my career as a coordinator, but I doubt that would ever come true with so much emotion in my heart. I just wanted to get rid of this feeling that kept me awake all night. I wanted to rid myself of these bitter-sweet feelings that have gotten me nowhere in life. I want to destroy the love I had for Paul.

I stopped walking as tears began to pour out of my cobalt eyes. I knew I never cried in public, but want else was there to do when I was feeling this way about myself? Tears slid down my pale cheek as I clutched the cloth in front of my chest. My other hand moved up to my eyes to wipe away the never-ending tears. I bit my lip in order to stop myself from doing such embarrassing actions, but I was unsuccessful. Why must I feel so hurt? Was it possibly that I regretted my own feelings and was sorry for ever having them in the first place? Yeah, maybe that was it.

I'm sorry for ever falling in love. I'm sorry ever causing you trouble. I'm sorry for ever crossing your path. And most of all, I'm sorry for everything that you've been through because of me. I doubted fate wanted me to ever meet you and fall in love. My love was a mistake itself and I'm sorry for it ever happening. Everything that happened up until now was probably all a mistake. I'm sure of it. I would've never wanted for you to return my love if I had never even met you.

It felt like my heart was being squeezed as I thought over my love. I couldn't take this pain. I wanted to throw everything away that had anything to do with you, Paul. If I did that, would that help lessen my pain? I wanted to know. I wanted to know what I could do to forget everything and be able to be free of this wretched feeling. I don't care about Valentines Day or Christmas that couples adore anymore. I understood how they felt about the love they had, but was what they went through like mine?

I couldn't stand seeing any couples. I envied how they seemed to be able to get along so well and was able to confess their love so easily. My case was harder. I knew that Paul would never accept my feelings being the coldhearted person he was. I doubt he would accept anyone's love for him and would call it a nuisance. If I ever confessed, I bet he would just say that to me and I would be the one who was apologizing. Why couldn't I have fallen in love with somebody else? Why couldn't fate gave the end of my red line to someone else? It hurts so much, I wouldn't even know how to describe it in words.

I'm sorry, fate. I couldn't live up to your expectations. I knew it was going to be hard, but this is going to far. I can't take this pain much longer. I wanted to be loved, but I knew that wasn't going to get me anywhere. I'm sorry I couldn't do this. I should have never even met him in the first place. Paul and I were never going to share mutual feelings. Some things just don't change, like my feelings and Paul himself. I wonder if life was really just playing with me or was this just reality?

"Oi, troublesome. Your mom's worried about you. She wants me to take you home," a cold voice said, causing me to turn my head to look at him. Paul had the same look on his face. It never seemed to change no matter what I do. I stared into his black eyes that showed no emotions. I noticed that he didn't seem to notice my tears. I guess the darkness of the night hid it well and I should be happy for that. He began to walk back to my home, I'm guessing. I'm sorry for making you find me out here, Paul. I really am. "Don't ever do this again, troublesome."

Don't worry. I won't do it again. It's because by then, I've apologized for this love I have for you and would have forgotten it. It just hurts so much to be so close to you, yet I would never reach your heart no matter how hard I try. I know its pointless to even try and nurture this love of mine. I just wonder when I would be forgiven for having loved you and would be able to throw it away for good...

_Paul, will you forgive me for the sin of ever loving you?_

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Ciaosu~! I think Dawn would be a good character to try this time. Tell me what you think in your reviews and you can choose who the next character would be. If you still haven't read the rest of the 'Love Series', then do so now. Until next time.


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